9 Things to Quit Doing to Benefit Your Mental Health

 1. Over apologising – We all make mistakes, none of us are perfect, but what about when, like me, you find yourself apologising for everything? Stop it. Stop it now. Own your own mistakes, yes, but not those of others.

2. Feeling guilty – While I understand that our loved ones are trying their best to help, often they can either be the cause of this or worsen it. An example of this is their upset over cancelling plans.

With depression comes a rollercoaster of emotions, and the tendency for your mood to dip at the drop of a hat. So when plans are made you can feel okay, but that can soon change.Then comes the anxiety, which takes all our effort and willpower to still function with, let alone doing something outside of our comfort zone.

If you have to cancel then so be it: your mental health must remain priority. Do not feel guilty, or allow others to make you feel so.

3. Self-comparison – Sadly, this comes naturally. We see someone with the latest phone or wearing more expensive designer clothes, as examples, and instantly we compare ourselves to them. All I can say here is that we need to own ourselves, our flaws included. If we are unhappy with something then it needs to be changed, not used as a means of punishing ourselves.

4. Surrounding yourself with negativity - Negative people (and this includes family), your job and your surroundings. Have a clear out.

5. Social media - Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest - our whole lives revolve around social media. If you cannot deactivate your account, please take regular breaks. 

6. Self-doubt – I cannot lie and say that I am the most confident of people, but I also know this is something that I need to work on. We all have strengths that need to be put to good use, and we all have weaknesses that could be worked on. With achievement comes confidence, but we have to take the leap first.

7. Negative self-talk – Whether said out loud, or just a passing thought.  If you do feel said emotions then counteract this by praising your self with something, a quality or an achievement. You’re fighting a difficult battle, don’t add to it. Stand strong and be bloody proud of yourself.

8. People pleasing –  We all want to be liked, but, sadly, not everyone we come across will do so, and that’s okay. Don’t sacrifice your health to alter people’s perceptions of you – if they like you then they are meant to play a part in your life, if not then so be it.

9. Settling – We all have goals in life, be it personal or career-wise. Your dream is to become a vet, but you don’t feel that you can complete the degree, so instead you settle for the regular 9 to 5 to have a wage. If you can dream it then you can achieve it. 

Get to Know Me: 15 Questions

 These questions were gathered from the internet, but please feel free to add to them in the comments, and I will happily answer them.

What is your biggest accomplishment?

Achieving a BA (hons), an MSc, and starting my PhD (I had to withdraw due to funding issues).

What is your biggest fear?

Losing my brother and my dogs.

What is your biggest regret?

Staying in a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship.

What inspires you?

Seeing others triumph over tribulation, hence why I love to watch Ted Talks. If you haven’t seen any of the videos then I highly recommend doing so.

What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?

Alongside losing my mum, it would be my struggle with mental illness: it is a daily battle. Being agoraphobic, I have to push through the panic and depersonalisation to leave the house, and to even see my brother at time. 

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Definitely America, more so Tennesse. It has been a dream of mine since being a child.

If you could give your younger self any advice what would it be?
Speak up about the bullying and how you’ve been feeling – you do not deserve this.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

To improve mental health funding, training, and services available.

What has been the hardest thing for you to face or learn?

Losing my mum at the age of 10, and learning how to live without her.

What kind of books do you like to read?

I have quite a generic taste in books, but it would have to be a thriller – Stephen King is one of my favourite authors.

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Definitely a night owl. I’ll happily nap all day as my brain tends to function better at night.

What is something you are gifted at?

Writing, or so others have said. I have recently released my first memoir (Mother's Ruin).

What is something you wish you were gifted at doing?

I wish I was musically gifted. A resolution of mine is to learn how to play the guitar.

What is your favorite song?

Step by Step, by Whitney Houston. Listening to it has helped me through some of the darker periods in my life.

What is your favorite quote?

‘Keep calm now, for it will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can’t rain forever’.

How Having Pets Can Benefit Our Mental Health

In studies conducted, over 95% of owners see their pets as being family members. They bring joy to our lives no matter what our age may be, so, naturally, they will have a positive impact on our mental health.

1. Reduced stress and anxiety – Our Serotonin and Dopamine levels rise after just 5 minutes of playing with and cuddling our pets, further reducing levels of Cortisol (the stress hormone). The sensory act of stroking an animal also lowers blood pressure.

2. Having a purpose – Just like with children, our pets rely on us for their every need. They need to be fed and watered, bathed, cleaned out, played with, and walked, despite how we may be feeling in ourselves. In the midst of a dip in my mental-health, all I want to do is sleep, to isolate myself, but I know that isn’t possible with my two beautiful dogs needing me.

As difficult as it may be for me to get myself up and out of bed at the time, in the long-run, it will have a positive impact on my mood. Plus, it is totally worth the fight to look at these two adorable faces.

3. Prevent loneliness – My social circle is limited as a result of my mental health issues. Anxiety issues have developed into agoraphobia, thus making it difficult for me to leave my home and socialise. Sadly, you can only turn down invitations so many times before people stop asking completely.

4. Improved fitness – As previously mentioned, many pets require enrichment, meaning that you are getting exercise in the process. Whether it be taking your dog on a long walk along the canal, or throwing a ball around the garden, you are moving, and getting those endorphins going at the same time.

5. Less fearful – For many, dogs are also guard dogs, protecting their homes and them/their family, helping them to sleep better at night, and consequently having a positive impact on mental health.

Do you have any pets? How do they help you?

5 Ways To Remain Productive When Life Is Kicking Your Ass.

Life is hectic and often things can feel overwhelming. The washing may be piling up, dishes stacked on the side, and the rubbish bin ready to walk itself out of the house.

However, there are ways of alleviating some of the pressure, and here I share my top tips.

1. Write checklists: I am not ashamed to admit that, when the black dog rears his ugly head, I lose all ability to prepare meals, to clean, to shower, and even to hold a conversation. The last thing I want to do is climb out of the warmth and safety of my bed, but, sadly, things still need to get done. This is where checklists come in.

I am not talking about pages and pages, even a list of five things will suffice. The main thing here is that, come the end of the day, you can hold your head up high and be proud of your productiveness and all that you have achieved.

2. Set small, feasible goals: When it comes to living with mental and physical illness, it is important to be kind to yourself and to not push yourself too much - it is all about balance.

When it comes to exposure for my agoraphobia, I will ensure that any goals set push me enough out of my comfort zone but not so much so that it causes a setback. An example of this is going to town for a coffee and then coming back home again for a nap. If it is a very bad day for me then a goal of mine will be to sit out in the garden for 10 minutes, the dogs at my feet.

3. Treat yourself: Whether this be something small, such as a new nail polish or a bar of chocolate, or something bigger like a spa day. It is important to spoil ourselves every now and then.

4. Devise a good sleep routine: Though forever a night owl, I also know how important sleep is. While I will never be the type of person who climbs into bed before 9pm, I do try to be in bed by 12 and then up between 8 and 9am.

5. Take breaks: This can be a break away, a break from social media, or even a break from those surrounding you. We all need to get into the habit of allowing ourselves time to just be, and to ‘recharge our batteries’.

Mother's Ruin: A Mother's Addiction and her Daughter's Survival

After seven years of writing and healing, my memoir is finally available to purchase in eBook and paperback from all major online retailers. 

- AVAILABLE NOW -

Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple Books, Kobo, IngramSpark, Waterstones

The Lies That Depression Will Tell You

YOU ARE A BURDEN

You don’t smile or laugh anymore. You sleep a lot, cancel plans, and have to be reminded to shower and eat properly. You are a grown adult, so should you not be doing these things for yourself? Wrong. I know that, during a bad dip, I will revert to being a child in an adult’s world. I will need reminding to wash my clothes and keep my home tidy, to eat nutritious meals and to change the same bedding that has not been washed for weeks. The mental fatigue and brain fog will overpower me, as my limited energy is channelled into merely surviving the hour ahead.

If someone reached out to you for help, would you call them a burden? Or would you support without judgement? This very same outlook must be channeled into ourselves. We are not a burden: we are just struggling in a world that is lacking the compassion and healthcare services necessary to support us.

YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

You are a burden, weak and lazy, so why do you deserve the same level of happiness as that of others? Because you are you. You are a strong warrior, fighting the hardest battle of your life. You deserve kindness. You deserve compassion. You deserve the happiness that your inner child still holds on to. Do it for them. 

- You are not your illness -

THIS IS YOUR FAULT

For many years, I believed that this was my fault. Had I not been drinking alcohol then I would not have had those panic attacks. Had I not left the supermarket when experiencing my first consecutive panic attacks then I would not have wound up agoraphobic. Had I stood up for myself in school then I would not have social anxiety. The list is endless.

If you take one thing away from my writing, please believe me when I say that this is NOT your fault, these were mere catalysts and, sadly, this was always going to happen. Your mind and body have been living in survival mode for so long that it was bound to reach breaking point. Nothing is invincible, and that includes us.

YOU ARE LAZY

I have been known to sleep for 19/24 hours. While chronic fatigue overpowers my body, I will still feel guilty for sleeping through the day while others are out working hard. If they can go to bed at a decent hour and make it through the day without taking a nap then why can’t I? Because I am poorly, that is why. You will rest up with flu or a stomach bug so why should it be any different with mental illness?

While people understand the repercussions of physical illness, sadly the same often cannot be said for mental illness. Yes, it may be psychological, but it is physically and mentally exhausting being at war with your own mind. Just envisage how tired you are following a day of reading or being sat behind a computer - your mind working overtime in order to process the information before your eyes. Now take that level of fatigue and add in intrusive thoughts and anxiety – your mind never fully rests, does it? 

THINGS WILL NEVER GET BETTER

You will struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel because there is a veil blocking it: depression. What I do suggest, from experience, is to focus on the here and now, take things day by day. Set yourself goals,  however big or small they may be. If you haven’t managed to shower for a few days, aim to be in the bath or shower by 6pm, and treat yourself to a bath bomb, or a warm drink and some chocolate. If you need to tidy your home, focus on one corner and set an alarm on your phone for twenty minutes.

Find something that you enjoy, however big or small, and incorporate it into your daily life. Colouring? Sit outside in the sunshine with your favourite pens and book for half an hour each morning. Music? Turn your favourite song up and dance around your kitchen, using a ladle as a makeshift microphone. Baking? Bake cookies and gift some to your neighbour.

YOU ARE WEAK

This is my mind and my body so should I not be in full control of it? No. That’s like expecting a victim of cancer to prevent it from spreading, without any medical input. People living with mental illness are the strongest of them all. There is nothing scarier than being at war with your own mind, a war that is invisible and carries no "magic cure" regarding treatment options. 

YOU ARE ALONE

You are the only one to have ever experienced this. Your brain is wired differently. Gosh, the list is endless. Let me tell you, I’ve been there and I still am.When I was first diagnosed with anxiety, I was beyond terrified. I reverted from being a social butterfly to a nervous wreck, almost overnight. I can recall sending out a Facebook SOS, asking whether anyone else had anxiety, and had taken the beta blockers that I had been prescribed at the time. I wanted success stories, but, most of all, I had wanted someone, anyone, to take it all away.

While it may feel like it at times, we are not alone. I have found reaching out to fellow sufferers to be healing, like-minded strangers whom I can vent to, fully, without having to explain myself. There is a vast mental health community out there, including the world of social media. I have joined a number of Facebook groups, and found them to be of great comfort and support, particularly in times of crisis.

PEOPLE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU

I make no secret of the fact that I have attempted to take my own life in the past due to the trauma that I endured in my earlier years. If you are experiencing something similar, please reach out and tell someone, and visit your doctor or A&E if you believe you are a danger to yourself or to others. You are strong, you are worthy, and, please believe me when I say that you are very much needed in this world.

The Shame and Secrecy of having an Alcoholic Mother

She was an alcoholic. My mother was an alcoholic. So much shame and secrecy surrounded that word as I was growing up. My acting skills were so on point I almost had myself convinced that everything was fine and that these were just normal family dynamics: a mother, her two children, a bottle of Vermouth and an elephant in the room. Most mothers enjoy a drink, do they not? Mine just took preference in drinking in secret, bottles hidden from view in the tumble dryer and beside a bottle of mouthwash in the cupboard under the kitchen sink.

I can recall a piece of homework set in my first year of secondary school that required us students to describe our parents, and the confusion that followed as I questioned how best to tackle the work at hand. My biological father had seemingly vanished into thin air, and, though aware of her passing just 5 months prior, my teachers had no idea of the circumstances surrounding my mother’s death.

“Hi, class. My name’s Belle. I am eleven years old. My mum died from alcoholism just before I left primary school. Her drink of choice was Vermouth, the one in the green glass bottle. It is lovely to meet you all”

Imagine the looks that I would have gotten if I had dropped this into conversation during one of many classroom icebreakers.

Instead, much to my brother’s dismay, I took the chance to share my secret, as if I was unburdening myself almost. I cannot truly ascertain why it was that I needed this teacher to know. It may have been the religious subject that she taught, believing that she would not judge my mother for the demons that she carried. Or it may have been more because I was tired of protecting a mother who, in my young and very naïve mind, had done nothing to protect me. An internal battle ensued.

As a child I lied for my mother, and as an adult I am inclined to be the protector that I yearned for in her later years, both for myself and for her. Much like that one school project, I am often torn between the shame of oversharing and staying quiet about Mum’s addiction when asked to describe her to them. She was not her addiction, her trauma, no, but both were major contributory factors to the person, the mother, that she became, and the trauma that I carry because of it.